HE WILL GUIDE OUR WAY..AND BRING US BACK!

Its been quite somedays I didn’t update my blog
Friends asked why
Errmm..can u blame me? I’ve only get 2-3 hours of sleep everyday for last month!!
Busy in work?
No..I also don’t know why..maybe something to do with the fengshui of my room!!
Got to get some advices from Lilian Tut..oopss..LiLIAN Too!
Plus I’ve got no idea as what to write
Normally things I write is about Hurts..Love and it SUCKS!!!

But just cant stand wen I read the article bout tis FCUKING BITCH-Sienna Miller!!!
Sorry for being rude! Ermm..by the way..I am a rude rude gall lor..LOL..
If u dunno who is she,Just copy her name and search it in the internet

She’s now dating a married man-a man with 4 kids and married for 8 years
The youngest child is only 10 months old
What really heats me up is pictures of her naked and topless almost for 23 hours..
with that fcuking jerk..hugging..kissing and cuddling each other in public!
He grabs her boobs and she grabs his balls!!
The least she can do is wait till that jerk to get a divorce! If he will lah..u know..men..
Then they can have sex everywhere and anytime they want!

The wife,reported to be too humiliated and gotto fly to another country with the kids
I bet except being humiliated..she is hurt too..very very much

When I read the news..I was shocked
Sienna Miller-this is the woman that got herself heart-broken when her fiancé,Jude Law cheated on her with their nanny-baby sitter
She should know how much it hurts to be betrayed
Why is she doing the same to another innocent woman?
I talked to a fren and only realized tis wasn’t her first time
Jude Law too left his family behind-wife and kids becox of her
Goosshhh..tis bitch is certainly really good in wrecking homes!!!
I really dun understand how some person is so capable in hurting someone else

Last 2 weeks, I went out shopping wit Jasmine and she was in a real sad mode!
She was sad til she received a call from the DH and u can c the sky suddenly becomes so bright
Den the next morning I was waken up by her calls
She told me he didn’t pick up her calls
She called him many many many times
I hate to hear tis
If u dunwan that person to call u, just pick the call n tell them off!!
I once called him..I forgot how many many many times
All I remember ..
I was smiling wen I call him till I cry (cox the calls went unanswered)
Till I finally laugh (laughing at myself,when will I want to accept the truth)
Till I fall asleep
I guess there must be around 20 calls

When u woke up and see 20 missed calls frm ur gf/bf
Wat will u do?
Even if its a number I am not familiar wit
Dunno bout u but I will surely call back or get to the nearest public phone if my line is out of service
But he didn’t
He didn’t call the whole day..the next day..the next next day..the next next next day
And the very next next next next next day
Till I finally call him and pretend nothing ever happened!

He promised never to let me feel unwanted
Lol..i forgot..promises are meant to be broken

Jasmine told me she cant sleep
She borrowed lotsa drama series from me
Sui poh,if u are reading tis,make sure u return ah..
She did all she can to get him out of her mind
She cries as she speaks
I recalled years ago when I was in one of those shitful days
Jasmine said cooly she dun understand why I am stil holding on
And now she apologized and said she understands it well

Yes I dun blame those who dun understand
Many said I am silly ..stuborn and even “cheap”
“people dunwan u oredi lah..oredi so obvious..u so cheap..keep disturbing him”
Honestly I pray they will neve know how it feels cox if they do
It means they are experiencing those hurtful moments
It is a real hard way to walk thru
And I am thankful that I did not walk alone
Jesus walked with me and HE blesses me with lotsa angels
It took me years and years to finally accept the fact that we are not meant for each other
And years n years n years for me to let go
It takes time
and I am thankful that I pull it thru

Wanna share something really comforting
The pastor said no matter how far we go..The Lord will bring us back
So..if you are in some very difficult moments ..
Remember..HE WILL GUIDE OUR WAY..AND BRING US BACK!
Thank U Jesus for loving me.Amen

dudu..dudu.."halo,it's 988!!"

I cant remember when but it must be somewhere last week, I was half-awake when I heard these from my
favorite radio station 988! The DJs, I can't remember their names..I only know Chan Fung..Haha!
The DJ said a listener wrote in an-email,sort of Q&A section seeking for help..
Okie..let us help the poor guy..

This is about BLOGS!!
The poor guy found out from his fren dat his galfren had a blog..HE FOUND IT FROM HIS FRENS!
When he browsed thru his gal blog..he is horrified!! Why??
His baby wrote all the "I miss u" .."Miss u so terribly muchie" posts but all the misses are not meant for him..
Its for her ex--!!!
So this poor guy is miserable as to wat to do..and Yes! We are here to help!!

I playfully called up the station number,I was still very much in my sleeping mode-covered in my blanket..
Hehe..and DUDU DUDU DUDU..”Halo..988..who is dis?” ..Goosshhh!! I am all awake now!
“Siew Yen here!” "Siew Yen,u are the second caller,u wait awhile ya” "Okie”,I replied..
Without wasting a minute..I rushed to my fridge, goggled a glass of water,I dunwan to be mistaken as a MR!!!

When comes my turn ..I said I will asked for a break-up..Clearly the bitch isn’t over her ex yet, so why bother to be together? The gal DJ talked a lot..like "oorhh,we cant blame someone for missing someone..afterall he is once the love of her life and bla bla bla..I am stil not in my battlefield mode..The call ended..
Of cox it will never be a problem to THINK OF someone..but it is a REAL DEAL wen U MISS someone!
It shows u think too much of dat particular person and he is her ex-! She should be missing her current beau and not some past-tense guys!
Blog..We use it to write all sorts of stuffs that we want to share with others..
Those that matters to us..that get on our nerves..
Mostly because we wanna let our feelings be known and this gal wrote the posts behind his back and wrote bout how much she misses her ex..
Obviously she wants her ex to read it and know dat she is missing him!

I’ve actually wrote a post bout the chat I had wit Swat Keng on last Sunday..On why she is turning me to a lesbo..Hoho..Dun get me wrong, She is completely straight ...Ermm..me? Ermmm..just say that now I understands why the lesbo population increased! It's great to kiss gals too..been kissing a few lately!! Haha! Only few gets to read it cox I deleted it few hours after I posted it..
Swat Keng is the first Christian..of cox aside from Sherry-my angel that did not condemn me..
Sherry knew wat I've been going thru but Swat Keng..We duno each other well and yet..She just being so nice
and understanding and top of all NO CONDEMN!!

The reason I wrote it is I hope..Yeh! Slap me! Haha!! One day if he ever comes across my blog,he will see how much I’ve struggled to keep the relationship and how much I treasured it!
Wish that he will get a taste of all the hellish days I've been thru..
That he will understands sometimes, people have to do the things they don't wish to do...
But I deleted it cox I just felt it is useless..If he reads it.so what..will he ever change..NO!
or YES! Miracles do happen! For a couple of days..

These few days ..ever since from Saturday nite..I’ve been uhhuuhh..thinking of him a lot..
Too freakingly LOTS dat it freaks me out too..
It's no one faults..I lead myself into all these and I am paying for it now..
REALLY NIASING!!!

heartbreaks in silence..

After service on Sunday morning, I went for lunch with Joanne at Tsim Tung-my favourite hang out
The milk tea..who can resist??!!
Yes! I went to church on sunday morning…after so many excuses..
Actually I planned to skip the service..but praise the Lord,HE brought me there!
will write a special post regarding this later..thanks the Lord for both Suat Keng and Yee teng!

I promised to go to Pavillion with Michael but my Mum called on Saturday afternoon and asked me to accompany her to look for houses around Pandan Indah area. But she cancelled the date,so I went out with Joanne,I wanted to talk to her too.We chatted for hours and went for a movie-Hancock!
Nice movie..it is very touching one indeed..

Went home and then went out again -____-" to have steamboat with Yee Teng..
On the way home,she played a song to me
She said if I were to listen to the song few months ago..when I was still unsure of my decision..I’ll surely cry..
I told her I am going to cry even rite at dat moment I listen to the song..

This is the song lyric and I’ve translated in to my own version

李聖傑-靠近

走在人擠人的走道　我問了自己　沒有愛情的人是否會長命
那些電影常常讓人感覺甜蜜　但是我　不相信
坐在沒有人的角落　我又問自己
究竟應該繼續還是該放棄　沒有人能了解我現在的心情　想看你　想躲你　難以決定
每當我想靠近　你總會裝冷靜　眼看你的表情　彷彿己經說明
我只想要證明　我們這段愛情　也許在你眼裡　它只是個遊戲
我只想要靠近　也很想要抱緊　回想到那過去　和現在新的你
我還想要參與　你的生活點滴　只要你肯相信　我一定會陪你走下去
能不能夠讓我再說我愛你　還是你己不想聽
能不能夠把你徹底的忘記　我是真的搞不清


Walking thru the crowded streets
I ask myself
What a life would be for those without love
Those romantic movies that touches the heart
Make everything seems so sweet
But I don’t believe in such a fairy-tale ending do exist in the world
I am living in

Sitting alone in a corner of the street
Again, I ask myself
Should I still hang on or
Should I let go
No one can understand the feelings I have inside of me

I want to see you
I want to run away from you
I don’t know which one to decide

Every time I get closer
You’ll act cool and withdraw yourself from me
From your face expression.. it is clearly shown
I just want to prove
Our love.. in your eyes is just a game

I just want to be closer
And also I wanted to hug you tightly
Recalling the pages of our past
You are the new you now
I still want to be part in your life
Just that you believe
I’ll walk with you till the very end

Can I still tell you I love you
Or you will not want to hear it anymore
Or can I wipe you off my life completely?
I really can’t decide

T_T

im back!!! YEN is back!!

Guess Veron,my ex-colleague is right! She advised me not to dwell too much with frens dats facing relationship problems.She said it’ll make me think negatively..
And just now reading back all my past post..OMmmmGGGG!!..
I was in so much hurt and it’s just weeks ago...
And now..here I am sitting and thinking..hehe..
Honestly, maybe none wil trust me since I am so gagaga wanted to be with him so gaagaaagaa badly but buuummm!! ~ now I want to say I am over him!!!
Yes, WE are OVER centuries ago..
The point is I AM over him...huUUUh? sure boh?!!

Okie, I went out this few days and had so much fun.. I called him on Monday nite..
Talking to him..Ermm..How can I put it in words..
Actually that nite I am so DAMN pissed with a fren and I need to talk to someone..
I called my Sis, the line get disconnected so I called him as he is with my Sis.
Sis phone out of battery and she is on the way home..
So I figured,I just talk to him cause it's around 2am already..Too early to give another fren a call..

I remember there was one time I cried after I read my mom’s e-mail..I wanted to call him
We are stil together at that moment but I dun dare to do so..Funny hor,why ler?
Becox Im afraid it will go unanswered..Im already hurting..I dun need any extra surprises!!

Yes! Being around with Ice and others..These few nites..
Especially lastnite,I enjoy myself so freakingly much!
I dun need to be an angel to be treated like one!!
I enjoy the drink,the chat,the dance, the compliments,the gifts..hoho ^^…and Yes! the flirts!!
It is superbly nice to flirt around..because there is no real feelings involved!!
We just get together,have fun and have fun and have fun..FUN!!
In the flirting world,everything is FAKE and everything is just LIE!!
I love tis feelings so so much!!

Stil dun get why I am OVER him? Actually,almost- 80% of my outfits scream of seduction!! >_<
Can't entirely blame my clothes,I mean..Ermm..me and my fren wear the same shirt,the color is different but everyone say I am sexy but none say dat to her!! Damn!!
He dun like me drees sexily..So,I’ve to buy some ‘proper’ clothes wen Im out with him..-____-"
Stil remember...hehe..quite vividly,my colleagues,we planned to go for a movie in a group and bring along our spouses! I am very happy and exicted!! I can FINALLY intro him to my colleagues!!
Plus it's been quite some time we hit the cinema or should say out together!! he is always BUSY!!!
So I purposely go and shop for a new shirt! Some may find me silly but just the thought of seeing him already
send me to heaven..hehe..Yeh,slllaaaapp me!!

The plan cancelled but we still go to the movie on our own,when he saw me,he didnt say anything..
Den in the cinema,he said “Told u not to wear like dis,u stil dunwan to listen,u think very nice meh?”..
Im like..GOOoooossh!!
Do I look dat horrible in that shirt..Yup..Maybe dat shirt makes me look fat..
And i never wear it again..till recently..I went out with Michael for a movie

While waiting for him,I went to the optical shop to get my lenses and the Sales person,a malay gal said,
"Wow..I wish I have ur body" ..Duh! Do she means my boobs..Hahaha
The moment I enter Michael car,he look at me and say..WOW..u look pretty! ^^!
I just wish that will comes from his mouth .. :_(

The point is, in the past I hated him to smoke..Den he said not to smoke infront of me..
Den better, he said he quit smoking and buuUMMmm.he is back with the ciggies
I dun even mind him smoking around me anymore..as part of the reason we broke up in the past was his fren told me he isn’t himself wen he is with me..den ok loh..u want to smoke den u smoke lor..

Funny...I on the other hand have to be someone I am not when I am with him..
I CANNOT DO THIS!! I CANNOT DO THAT!!
I CANNOT WEAR LIKE THIS..I CANNOT..I CANNOT AND I CANNOT!!! Arrrgghhh!!!
The conversation just make me realized we are so so so SOOOOOO different..In everything..
Yeh,SLAP ME!! ..took me almost a decade to finally admit it! Hehehe!!

But now I am really feeling great..we are stil frens..No one to be blamed..
We are just so so SOOOOOO not meant to be together!

And yes,I will be bek to church..tis Sunday!!!! Hallelujah!
The Lord loves me terribly muchiee..
I’ve always use the transportation as an excuse for not attending church services..-_-"
And guess where is the church I am going to located at??
Just right next to my house!! Praise the Lord!!

Yeh!! I am bek!! Rainy days over!!
Goodbye SORROWS!!
HELLO..MY HAPPY SUNRISE!!!

sleep+sleep+sleep!!

Okie..Back to Monday noon,he replied and Yes,the paisey level drops down..
Went out on Monday nite..and damn it!! tis time I didn’t sms him but I called him!!!
Very piss-off with 2 frens of mine!! I need to talk to someone or I'll explode!!
Guess everyone hate to be accussed of something we didn’t do!
My fren said I kissed a guy! Damn,I know wen I kiss someone! And I did not!
Okie,tis is done and dunwan to dwell too much into it..

The second one,should I say I am pissed or should I say I am deeply upset with this fren of mine..
It just sucks when people we reali care and love doesn’t feels the same like us..
Or they just dun realize how much they meant in our life..
I’ve been thinking a lot bout this.But cant blame her..
I mean,Yes,she is important to me but I can't force her to make me one of her important person..

Gone the sobber and comes the sunshine!!

Met a hot babe-Ice!!
Seen her a few times but we finally had a real conversation on Monday nite!!
She is so funny and she is hot.love her! And love being around her! Hahaha!!
She is the main reason I went out lastnite,I was so tired..but I wanted to see her so i went out!
When Im with her,I am so comfy with myself..and Katty too!!
I am so against people saying bad words.. in the past..hehe..
Now,I am one of them and the worst part is my frens love me swearing! Hahaaa!
Actually it feels nice too..hahaha
But..I must stop it.It is not dat good...I can surely-100% do so in the morning but at nite.. >_<”

I must have drank a lot lastnite..I fell asleep once I was home!
Thats is with my makeup on!! Urrgghh.my skin!!
I always make sure I cleanse my face before I go for a tour with Uncle Zao son ..

Make up my mind!! Tonite I am for hibernation!!! Wanna sleep+sleep+sleep!!
And my house,TERRIBLY messy..if there is a cockroach,I can't blame my neighbours..

paisey paisey..>_<

Lastnite I went out and had a few drinks with my frens
I asked their opinions,should I send him a sms
And they encouraged me to do so..
Honestly, I really duno why or am I still expecting a non-existing miracle..
So I got home, had my bath, put on some songs and starts sending him sms..
And worse was..I sent him too many sms..
Meaning I said too much..way too muuuccchhhhh....
And he didn’t reply
Goosshhh is there a word to describe my feelings now?
Yes! there is…PAISEY!!!Gooossshh..im so so Paisey-if im not mistaken, it means shameful in Hokien!!

PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAiiiisssssssssssssEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!

my heart bleeds for u and u dont even see me...

Went to watch Wanted, a great show, Angelina Jolie! Superb hot!! at Pavilion on Sunday noon with Michael.

He is one person that I admired a lot ! Salute his determination in stil believing that "TRUE LOVE" exist!! Hahaha.After being fooled,ooppss..errm..being used,err..no no..being hurt,yes! this sounds better,he still believes in "True Love", Haha!

In the cinema, the girl dat sat beside me hugged her boyfriend.I remembered the moment when I hugged him in the cinema.Then only I realized that I still wanted to hug and be hugged,I wanted to kiss and be kissed..
Too bad,some will surely wanna slap me real hard,Haha,I only want him..

At nite, I went out for a drink,5 gals..
May asked me did I still in touch with him
I said,honestly,hehe till lastweek I still checked into his account in frenster..Hohoho
But I will never do so anymore..erm..heard it too many times? Haha..I told her,honestly,I am stil very much very very much in love with him..very very much
But I can never ever be with him..he never existed..

May advised me to start anew with someone new..it will be easier to let go..many said that.I hate it.

Getting a Mr.Rebound? Oh No no no!!! I am a sucker in the love department.I can easily attracted to someone.I like someone freakingly easy but I only love and wanted him.I did tried but like i said,i cant remember whom i been with to d fairy wheel till i look at the pictures..as in my memory,i was there with him becox in my everything,i just want him.Yeh,Slap me!

Tammy told me she wish she knew some of her ex- frens,so she can get to know latest news about him.

I told Tammy I wish I dun know a single soul dats related to him cox everytime i heard bout him, the news,got me in tears...

Aikkksss..if only i can find a word to describe my feelings now..

"my heart bleeds for u and u dont even see me...."